My Shadow

theshadowfollows

   I suffer with depression.

     I have been inspired by a musician friend of mine to write a blog about my experience of living with this condition. I am hoping that this blog will firstly help me by recording my experiences, secondly provide a platform to let others know what I am going through, and thirdly, I hope that reading this may help someone else who is going through a similar thing.

     I have decided to refer to my depression as my shadow, for that is what it feels like; it is always there, sometimes barely noticeable, sometimes huge and engulfing, but always there. I started fighting my shadow one year ago. During this time it has become clear that the foundations had been laid early on in my life, and thirty-two years of coping mechanisms and avoidance as an adult led me to the point last year when I finally felt I had to do something about it.

     It may come as a surprise to some people to hear that I struggle with depression, I try to do my best to hide it.  Others may well have suspected, and it may even explain to some the way I come across in social situations.

   As I said earlier, I am currently one year into getting the help I need. It started with a huge motivational effort on my part when I contacted ‘Therapy For You’ which is the NHS mental health service. Since then I have been on a six week cognitive behavioral therapy course, a six week intensive group therapy session, I’ve spent four months on anti-depressants, and I have now been seeing a therapist on a one to one basis for 10 weeks.

   I don’t want to go into much more detail in this first post, but I aim to be open and honest about my shadow in all future posts. It may be that no-one ever sees this post. It is going to take all the strength I have to push the publish button and to let people know, but I truly believe that raising awareness of all mental health issues is not only a good thing, but an absolutely necessary thing !

   I will leave you with a link to a short video that might help explain some of the ways that people suffer when their shadow is getting the better of them.

                       I had a black dog, it’s name is Depression.

     Please feel free to comment, ask questions, be honest  and thank you for reading 🙂

6 thoughts on “My Shadow”

  1. Caroline says:

    Hi Chris
    I too have suffered and have been on mild antidepressants for some time. I feel ok most of the time but sometimes it engulfs me and it’s hard to express. Well done to you for letting people know and it will help with understanding when social situations become difficult. I’m sure your party was quite hard for you as I think I would have been stressing about it! Keep strong and there’s anyways a friendly ear here if you need it 😊

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  2. Paul says:

    Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do.
    This can be particularly true when doing the right thing involves doing the right thing for yourself.
    I’m really pleased you’ve taken the first steps on the way to making that shadow a little less dark.
    Always here if you need an ear.
    You have more friends than you know.

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  3. Chris,
    I admire you taking this brave step. I hope you’re successful in keeping the black dog at bay.
    You’re right that mental health needs to be brought into the open, every time someone sheds some light on their own struggles a little of the stigma is chipped away.
    Keep at it 😉
    Jamie

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  4. Emma says:

    I love the black dog video. It’s something I’ve often used at work.
    I’m very proud of you right now… hopefully this blog will in itself be very therapeutic for you. depression is far too common yet so misunderstood!

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  6. Jo says:

    Hi Chris,
    You know that I know how this feels. It never goes away, but I have learnt how to deal with it (most of the time) and you will too. Lots of love xx

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